Jack Vs Jack

Jack's back!

Twice.

With the welcome return of 24 on Sunday and Lost on Jan. 21, two of television's coolest shows, we also get the return of two of its coolest characters at no extra charge.

They would be Jack Bauer and Jack Shephard, played by Kiefer Sutherland and Matthew Fox, respectively.

When last we left them, Bauer was saving orphans in Africa and then he was arrested; he'll appear before a Senate committee questioning him about torture and other human-rights violations (uh, duh).

Shephard, meanwhile, was rescued by Penny, after Locke and Ben moved the island. Believe it or not, that actually makes some sense if you're familiar with the show.

So who's the better Jack? While it seems certain that in a fight Bauer would rip Shephard's arm out of its socket and beat him to death with it, that doesn't necessarily make him the better man.

Let's compare them head-to-head, and may the best Jack win.

How Jacks stack up

Comparing intense Jack Bauer of '24' with tortured Jack Shephard of 'Lost'

Occupation

Bauer: At various times, a member of the Army, the LAPD, the CIA and the Counter Terrorist Unit.

Shephard: A surgeon stranded on a mysterious island that seems to exist outside the normal workings of the universe.

Advantage: Tie. For last.

Education

Bauer: UCLA grad, master's degree from University of California-Berkeley.

Shephard: Unknown college, medical school.

Advantage: Shephard, but closer than you'd think.

Personality:

Bauer: Filled with violent rage, which he often acts upon, thanks to loss of wife at hands of traitorous mistress.

Shephard: Filled with tremendous self-doubt and guilt, thanks to alcoholic surgeon father.

Advantage: Uh, hmm . . . Bauer in a fight, presumably.

Beer-buddy compatibility:

Bauer: Low, due to violent nature and a since-kicked heroin habit (which he got while undercover).

Shephard: Lower, due to history of alcoholism in his family.

Advantage: Bauer, though you want to hide the weapons after that fifth beer.

Catch phrase

Bauer: "IT'S A BOMB!"

Shephard: "WE HAVE TO GO BACK!"

Advantage: Shephard, obviously. He just wants to get back to the island. Who wants to blow up?

Handiness in emergencies

Bauer: Can fly planes, rig explosives, handle any weapon, speak several languages, take a beating and administer one; not especially hindered by conscience.

Shephard: Willing to fight, use a gun. Conscience is present but can be gotten around. Good surgeon.

Advantage: A draw. Bauer to kick some serious butt in the clutch, Shephard to sew you up afterward.

Willingness to bend rules

Bauer: Chopped off a man's head to show he means business. Shot a man's wife in the thigh to get him to talk. Executed his own boss.

Shephard: Deliberately sliced his captor's kidney during an operation. The usual threats while holding a gun, etc.

Advantage: Bauer. Constitutional rights or guilt are no match for his intensity.

Good qualities

Bauer: Intense loyalty. Expertise with various weaponry. Often feels bad after, say, shooting his boss in the back of the head.

Shephard: Intense loyalty. Expertise with scalpel. Often feels bad after, say, everything.

Advantage: Not sure there really is one.

Overall

Bauer: Intense-beyond-belief guy willing to do anything for what he thinks is right. You just don't want to be on the wrong side of that evaluation.

Shephard: Slightly less-intense guy willing to almost anything (though not to Bauer-like levels) to help those he cares about (though that's a moving target).

Advantage: If you're saving the nation and possibly the world from destruction, Bauer. If you're saving the passengers of a downed airplane, Shephard.

Winner

Neither.

We'll go with Hurley and Chloe.

Source: azcentral.com